Zombieland (2009)

The horror comedy Zombieland is a lot like blowing away a zombie with a shotgun (which happens a lot in this film) — it starts off with a bang or two, but there’s a mess to deal with afterward.

Jesse Eisenberg plays an Austin college student (go Longhorns!) trying to make his way home to his parents’ home in Columbus, Ohio. It’s a very difficult journey, partly because of the wrecked and abandoned cars littering the roadways, but mainly because of the fast-moving zombies all over the place. There’s not much exposition apart from the brief mention of a virus that spread rapidly and turned everyone into flesh-eating, ichor-oozing meatbags. Everyone except for our narrating hero, apparently. He has developed a set of numbered rules as a survival guide (the “Double Tap” for example — if you’ve shot the zombie once and think he’s dead, shoot him again just to be sure), and these rules are humorously presented and illustrated throughout the film, especially in the beginning. In fact, the opening credits are cleverly designed with three-dimensional lettering that interacts with footage of over-the-top zombie terror and carnage all in dazzling super-slow motion. The sequence establishes right away that this movie is going for the funny bone, even while the zombies are going for the jugular.

The student soon hooks up with another human survivor, a redneck from Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) with a snakeskin jacket and a strong desire for Twinkies. He offers “Columbus” a ride, but bans the use of their real names so things don’t get too personal. Before long, “Columbus” and “Tallahassee” encounter two more survivors, “Wichita” (Emma Stone) and her 13-year-old sister, “Little Rock” (Abigail Breslin). The foursome wend their way westward to Los Angeles, home to (theoretically) abandoned celebrity mansions, as well as “Pacific Playland,” a famous amusement park where, the girls heard, there are no zombies. They’re wrong on both counts, of course.

Like our voyaging hero “Columbus,” I’ve also developed a few rules of my own, at least regarding movies. And one of them is: If Woody Harrelson is in the cast, it will probably suck or be mediocre at best. I don’t hate the guy; he’s not repellent to watch; he’s probably nice in person; I just tend to find him boring and very limited in his acting range. Much of my aversion stems from his appearances in three movies I greatly disliked: The Thin Red Line, The People Vs. Larry Flynt, and especially Natural Born Killers. Even the better movies on his résumé, No Country for Old Men and Wag the Dog, are uneven at best. Not that I expect Oscar-caliber acting from a zombie-killin’ flick, but apart from his humorous pursuit of the elusive Twinkie, Harrelson’s character “Tallahassee” is basically no more than a chin, a hat, a snakeskin jacket, and whatever weapon he’s currently holding.

Fortunately, “Columbus” leads this film more than “Tallahassee,” and Eisenberg is very funny and likable with his narration and his awkward attempts at romance in a zombiefied landscape. There are numerous laughs throughout; and I particularly cracked up at a momentary detail when they pull up in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre and shoot a zombie dressed like Charlie Chaplin. But as the intrepid foursome move further west, the movie gets weaker and weaker. An appearance by Bill Murray (as himself, in zombie makeup) offers momentary promise of increased hilarity, but ultimately the film spins its wheels from that sequence onward, all the way to the lame climax at a lame amusement park that lacks the grandeur one would expect of a major tourist destination. Even Wally World was better than this cheapass place.

As much as I laughed during Zombieland, this is a movie that, overall, feels like less than the sum of its component parts. It doesn’t have the freshness of its UK predecessor Shaun Of The Dead, and many scenes lack any real payoff. To make a gross analogy, this movie is like a zombie’s dinner: it’s something to chew the fat over, and it may be satisfying in the short term, but you’ll forget it the moment something tastier comes down the street.