The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Life is full of surprises. We’ve all read stories about someone winning the lottery on their first try or a dog saving its owner from a raging fire; then there’s the success of The Fast and the Furious. Trust me, 100 dogs could save 100 lottery-winning masters, and I’d be more surprised that this dud actually made enough money to spawn multiple sequels.

The film begins on a positive note, as a daring, high-speed highway robbery results in a gang of thieves getting away with a semi full of electronics. This isn’t the first such robbery, and the truckers are prepared to take matters into their own hands. To prevent bloodshed, the LAPD and the FBI are working together to find the culprits, and they’ve narrowed it down to someone involved in the city’s growing underground street racing circuit.

Undercover cop Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker) has been assigned to the case, and he’s working hard to get close to racing legend Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel). Posing as a street racer himself, Brian gets off to a rocky start with Toretto’s crew, and he’s entirely unprepared for the consequences of falling for Dominic‘s sister, Mia Toretto (Jordana Brewster).

The main lesson I took away from The Fast and the Furious was that street racing all comes down to nitrous oxide (also referred to as NOS throughout the film). Just push a button in the middle of the race, and you’ll zoom past your opponent and win a wad of cash (or their car’s pink slip). I may not know a thing about street racing, but I’ve got a feeling that there’s a little more to it.

Still, every race in The Fast and the Furious has someone hitting their NOS button, and it quickly starts to feel like they’re playing video games instead of actually racing a speeding pile of metal and plastic. One racer even has two laptop computers set up in his car (which he operates while driving at great speeds). I understand the term “suspension of disbelief,” but gimme a break.

Nothing operates logically in this movie: truck drivers cruise right down the center lane while being hijacked, suspected robbers conveniently explain their backstory, and alluring women make out with one another at an only-in-a-movie house party. There’s nothing wrong with being over-the-top, but The Fast and the Furious also suffers from a terminal case of dullness.

The race scenes–presumably the centerpiece of the film–aren‘t even interesting enough to call clichéd, and the film is also surprisingly low on action. Whoever named it The Fast and the Furious should be called on the carpet for false advertising. After the initial heist and an early street racing scene, it’s nearly an hour before we witness anything remotely exciting.

It’s not that fast, and the only thing furious will be viewers who shelled out money for this overrated wreck of a movie.