Sucker Punch (2011)

Zack Snyder, the director of Sucker Punch, has become an icon among cinematic nerds and pop culture fanboys. Following the surprise success of his different-but-just-as-good-as-the-original Dawn of the Dead remake, Snyder unleashed a sepia-toned killfest on viewers by the name of 300. Then he followed it up with a faithful big-screen adaptation of Watchmen, the legendary graphic novel from Alan Moore that had been perplexing studio heads and filmmakers for over 20 years. Throw in Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole, and you can see a resume filled with fantastical and often bleak tales of battle and sacrifice. And let’s not forget about Superman: The Man of Steel, the franchise reboot (yet again) that’s scheduled for a 2012 release.

It would appear that Zack Snyder can do no wrong. Well, with the exception of Sucker Punch.

The film begins with 20-year-old Baby Doll (Emily Browning) suffering through the death of her mother and being forced to protect her younger sister from their greedy and lecherous step-father (he‘s after the fortune they just inherited). While fending off the creep with a pistol, Baby Doll accidentally shoots and kills her sibling, giving the step dad the perfect excuse to have her committed to an asylum. After an under-the-table deal is made with orderly Blue Jones (Oscar Isaac), Baby Doll overhears that she has five days before a doctor (John Hamm) arrives to administer a lobotomy.

That’s when the scenery changes, and the asylum is replaced with an underworld brothel. There, the girls are held captive and forced to dance for wealthy patrons, later servicing them in tacky bedrooms with heart-shaped beds. A mobster version of Blue Jones (complete with sinister moustache) runs the show, and the girls are taught to dance by Madam Vera Gorski (Carla Gugino), herself a fellow captive. Baby Doll makes the acquaintance of a number of spirited performers, including Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), Rocket (Jena Malone), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens), and Amber (Jamie Chung).

Determined to escape before her virginity is taken by the High Roller (Jon Hamm), Baby Doll has a vision where she receives instructions from a mystery figure known as The Wise Man (Scott Glenn). In order to gain her freedom, she’ll need to find five items while making sure that the staff and clients are suitably distracted. As luck would have it, her four new pals are also itching to bust out.

And so begins a tale that’s long on style, short on excitement, and positively miniscule when it comes to making any sense. You see, Baby Doll has the ability to enthrall men with her dancing abilities, and this strategy is used time and time again to allow her cohorts an opportunity to steal items needed for the escape. But we never actually see her dance, as each mission takes place in yet another fantasy world, this time depicting the young women as gun-toting harbingers of death and destruction. Assuming you don’t nod off from the endless repetition, you’ll see them dispatch dragons, robots, orcs, and clockwork Germans, all with the same lethal efficiency.

Sucker Punch would’ve been a great idea for a video game, allowing players to choose from a number of feisty and scantily-clad vixens. It doesn’t work as well on the big screen, though, and Browning fails to impress in the lead role, spending most of her time looking sad, malnourished, and desperately in need of some sun. The other girls surpass her in both physical beauty and acting ability, a lethal combination for a film aimed at young men with raging hormones.

The decidedly anti-male message from scriptwriters Zack Snyder and Steve Shibuya won’t help, either. Every male in the film–intentionally or not–is out to exploit, abuse, or lobotomize the gals. The only exception is The Wise Man, a kindly grandfather figure who delivers their mission briefings and doesn’t betray even a hint of sexual desire at the sight of five nubile women with guns and garters. According to the film, anyone who can achieve an erection without prescription help is out to get you.

But confusing gender messages aside, Sucker Punch delivers plenty of fight scenes, each of which fails to stir any real emotion. Sure, it’s cool to watch giant Asian demons wield blades and mini-guns, but the memory is about as fleeting as what you might expect to see during a cut-scene from an Xbox 360 title.

And why is every action scene filled with imagery of our heroines dropping from great heights, landing in a semi-crouch, and then slowly glancing up at their opponents? This might have been cool if it wasn’t already used in The Matrix. That film, by the way, was made over a decade ago.

Sucker Punch is an appropriate title. By the time the end credits roll on this shallow exercise in watered-down fetish fulfillment, you’ll be left with the feeling that someone just slugged you in the head and pilfered through your wallet.