Something Borrowed (2011)

You know the old wedding-related maxim: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. In this case, the Something Borrowed speaks both to the plot of this formulaic romantic comedy and the object of affection for its main character, Rachel.

Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) is a terminally bland nice girl whose friendship with the infinitely more lively Darcy (Kate Hudson) dates back to childhood. So naturally, when Rachel goes off to law school and ends up crushing hardcore on chiseled-jaw classmate Dex (Colin Egglesfield), she tells Darcy all about it. And Darcy does what any long-term bestie would do: she takes the occasion of Rachel and Dex’s first date (a pitiful non-date date, to be fair) to steal the guy right from under her. That should have been the dullard’s first clue to ditch them both and move on to less hostile pastures.

Alas, like any good doormat, Rachel stays friends with both. Six years later at her own 30th birthday party–where Darcy hogs the spotlight talking about her upcoming nuptials to the aforementioned weasel–Rachel ends up admitting to Dex that she had a crush on him back in the day. And he does what any man in a committed relationship and weeks away from a trip down the aisle would do: he sleeps with the pathetic, lovelorn fool.

The relationship between the two develops in fits and starts, each taking a turn to be an inert moron and both refusing to do what seems like the patently obvious choice. The cast of characters also includes Rachel’s other oldest friend, Ethan (John Krasinsky), his one-time one-night stand who still isn’t over him (Ashley Williams), and Dex’s repulsive skirt-chasing buddy, Marcus (Steve Howey). The whole gang rents a house in the Hamptons (or, as Ethan astutely describes it “a zombie movie directed by Ralph Lauren”) to hang out all summer. Yeah, because that’s a good idea.

Based on Emily Giffin’s novel of the same name, Something Borrowed borrows heavily from rom-coms we’ve seen before, including My Best Friend’s Wedding, Made of Honor, and 27 Dresses. It’s understandable since the overarching theme of all of those movies–not realizing how much you loved someone until you’re this close to losing him forever–is pretty relatable. What is less comprehensible is director Lee Greenfield and screenwriter Jennie Snyder’s decision to make their main characters so darn milquetoast.

Admittedly, it’s been a few years since I’ve seen My Best Friend’s Wedding. I mean, how often can you watch a movie where the beautiful, bubbly Julia Roberts doesn’t get the guy and pretty but boring Cameron Diaz does? That’s just the trouble with Something Borrowed. Rachel feels more like Cameron Diaz than she does like Julia Roberts. She has only two moments in the film where she looks like the kind of girl a guy with any sense would fall in love with. In one scene, she gets into a competitive barroom slutty dance-off with Darcy. That scene also happens to include the film’s funniest line of dialogue: “I think I pulled something near my vagina.” The other scene has Darcy convincing Rachel to do a dance to Salt N Pepa’s “Push It.” Both involve awesomely bad dance movies and Darcy bringing out the best and worst in Rachel.

Sure, Rachel is heaps sweeter than self-centered Darcy, speaks in better grammar, and knows what tortious interference is, but she’s so otherwise wimpy and blah that who the hell cares? The only person who could care is equally vanilla Dex, who wouldn’t know how to follow his own heart if it came with a map and a compass. The only moment he is genuinely sexy, interesting and sparky is when he and Rachel first meet. She is, like the nerdy girl she’s allegedly meant to be, carefully laying out her five pens in preparation for class. His opening salvo: “You wouldn’t happen to have, like, four extra pens, would you?”

As is often the case in this genre, Something Borrowed’s characters turn out to be much more palatable and fun than its star-crossed lovers. Krasinski makes the most of his small role with his terrific facial expressions (familiar to anyone who watches The Office) and his slightly offbeat portrayal of sweet, sensitive Ethan. My trouble with Ethan is that as nice as he is to Rachel, he is twice as big of a jerk to the girl with the crush on him. Maybe that’s realism but I don’t like it. Likewise, Darcy frequently crosses the line from zany party girl to obnoxious and vulgar. This has less to do with Hudson’s performance, which tries to rein in the worst of her character’s flaws, and more to do with its screenwriter’s need to have someone be the bad guy in all this.

Something Borrowed does have high production values, making it slick and seamless to watch. And even with a Natasha Bedingfield ditty (hey, at least it’s not Taylor Swift) scoring the whole affair, it manages to resist some of the most manipulative trappings of the romantic comedy genre. See it with a gal pal, if you must. But only if her boyfriend is totally not your type.