Pandorum (2009)

As “Pandorum” opens, it is the year 2174, and after centuries of unchecked population growth and exploitation of its resources, Earth has finally given all it has to give to mankind. Luckily, a distant Earth-like planet has been discovered and a group of 1600 enterprising young men and women are sent aboard the spaceship, Elysium, to settle it. While the rest of the passengers enjoy a nice, 123-year-long hyper-sleep, the ship is guided by a three-man crew, in two-year rotating shifts, towards its destination.

These shifts are an attempt to stave off “orbital dysfunctional syndrome,” otherwise known as “pandorum,” a space travel disorder whose symptoms include nosebleeds and the shakes. Oh, and going bats-in-the-bellfry, hallucinating, homicidal, full-Jack-Torrance nutso.

The film opens with crew members Corporal Bower (Ben Foster) and Lieutenant Payton (Dennis Quaid) awakening, all slimy and shriveled, from their respective slumbers. They have only a fuzzy recollection of who or where they are or what they’re doing there. Also, it appears the ship’s nuclear power reactor has malfunctioned, locking the door to their cryo-chamber and cutting them off from the bridge, where all the answers — and the ability to redirect the ship home — ostensibly lie.

When Bower climbs out using a claustrophobic crawl-space, he discovers that he and his lieutenant aren’t the only ones awake. In addition to the pretty biologist (Antje Traue) — on-board with her test-tube Noah’s Ark — and the non-English-speaking “agricultural team” member (World Champion kickboxer Cung Le), there’s also a healthy population of uberstrong, albino, human-flesh eaters. Bummer.

I recognize that, from Star Trek to Stargate, the formula for the deep-space travel sci-fi film is pretty much the same. Man goes into space, can’t find his way home, weird stuff happens. And while the poet may have been right when she observed that there are no new ideas, I couldn’t help but wish that the folks behind “Pandorum” had worked harder to find at least one.

Travis Milloy’s underdeveloped script blatantly rips off other pyschological space thrillers from “2001: A Space Odyssey” to “Event Horizon,” and even “Sphere.” Director Christian Alvart borrows heavily from the dark, frenetic camera techniques of “Pitch Black” and the monsters from “I Am Legend.” There are even shades of “The Time Machine” and “The Poseidon Adventure” to be seen. A quick glance at each of their IMDB profiles reveals a simple explanation for the incessant imitation: each has less than a half-dozen films to their credit, and certainly no big-budget, all-star cast ones.

The stars don’t do them much good anyway. Yes, Dennis Quaid is a thing of beauty — even as he approaches 60 — and is always pleasant to watch. I only wish he had also brought with him the full range of acting skills I know he possesses. Instead, he mumbles through the majority of the film’s noisy, crash-banging 108 minutes, (I have honestly never worked so hard to hear a movie on the big screen) only awakening from his real-life hyper-sleep to add a little excitement to the surprise ending.

Foster is definitely the highlight here. As the ship’s technical engineer (he eventually remembers), he’s hardly the one you’d expect to square his shoulders, strap a laser stun-gun to his forearm, and face the teeth-gnashers head on. Certainly, Foster’s tall and thin frame doesn’t say typical action hero. But he approaches being the savior of humanity with the intensity and sincerity he brings to all of his roles.

Nonetheless, Foster’s acting isn’t enough to rescue this little bit of space debris. By the time I got to the “surprise” ending (not entirely original but as close as “Pandorum” ever gets to it), I was checking myself for nosebleeds…since I was pretty sure I’d already caught my own case of the crazies.