Knight and Day (2010)

I could spend a thousand words or so padding my opinion on Knight and Day, but I’m going to do you a favor and cut right to the chase. It’s not a good movie. There, I said it. Cruise flashes his trademark thousand-watt smile, Diaz shows off her bod, and audiences are expected to pound on the feeder bar for another helping of mindless summer entertainment. Is this truly what it’s come to?

I should hardly be surprised. This is, after all, the same summer movie season that’s brought us lackluster sequels (Iron Man 2), disappointing remakes (Robin Hood), and a failed attempt to create a new franchise (Jonah Hex). And the less said about Killers the better. But Hollywood will not be deterred, once again pushing the general public up against a wall and presenting the cinematic equivalent of a firing squad. Luckily for moviegoers and their wallets, Knight and Day misses the mark by a wide margin.

Cruise is Roy Miller, a secret agent who may have gone rogue. Diaz is June Havens, a spunky blonde who restores cars. After their obligatory Meet Cute moment is out of the way, Miller passes the time plugging enemies while Havens looks on wide-eyed, having been mistaken for one of his accomplices.

While Miller does return her safely back home, it’s not long before another wave of gun-wielding men with suits and short haircuts show up to finish the job. But Miller appears once again, pulling Havens out of the frying pan and into the…

For God’s sake, surely you get the picture by now.

I hope so, because there’s not much new to report about Knight and Day that hasn’t been covered in the days and weeks leading up to its release. Cruise received $11 million for the film instead of his customary $20 million price tag, and he made an appearance at the MTV Music Awards as Tropic Thunder’s Les Grossman in an attempt to drum up positive publicity for his tattered image as much as the film. This was followed by a viral video of sorts that only made the desperation level of all those involved more apparent.

Now Knight and Day rolls into theaters for all to see, and no amount a ass-slapping with J. Lo can disguise the fact that it’s a sluggish summer movie beast from start to finish. A total of 12 writers made their contributions, disproving for all time the old adage that multiple heads are better than one.

The characters are the same clichés we’ve seen time and again, the action is predictably loud and generic, and both leads are beginning to show cracks in the foundation. Cruise looks remarkable for a man of 47, but his notorious off-screen antics have tainted his image for the foreseeable future. It’s hard not to look at him and think “crazy,” no matter how bright his smile shines. Diaz, meanwhile, is starting to show the passage of time at 37, although she’s not nearly as miscast as Julia Roberts was in Duplicity. But if both actors were ten years younger, the chemistry still wouldn’t be there. Even in Hollywood, there are some things you just can’t fake.

Peter Sarsgaard and Viola Davis co-star, but the script treats neither as anything more than an obstacle to be overcome. This is especially disappointing in the case of Davis, as her Oscar-nominated turn in Doubt has been followed by roles in such “gems” as Madea Goes to Jail and Law Abiding Citizen. At least she’s got her impressive stage work to fall back on.

Action fans will be mildly distracted at times by the pyrotechnics and fast-paced gunplay, but the lack of characterization ultimately weighs those moments down. Movies like Die Hard and Lethal Weapon had well-choreographed chase and fight sequences, but it was our genuine concern for John McClane and Martin Riggs that elevated those films to legendary status. With Knight and Day, you won’t even feel compelled to loan the leads a stick of gum.

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