G-Force (2009)

Prior to watching G-Force in “Disney Digital 3D”, I’d managed to avoid 3D movies for over a quarter of a century, ever since I’d suffered through the eye-watering, headache-inducing borefest Jaws 3D back in 1983; the few times I’ve tried watching 3D on television have been even worse. So I was pleasantly surprised to find the “Real 3D” glasses and projection used by Disney are quite good, with surprising clarity and depth of field, and without the weird color shifts and flat lighting that seemed to occur often in 3D movies of the past. Personally I think they could make the lenses on the glasses a little taller and wider to help mask the peripheral vision, especially when the movie is being projected on a large IMAX screen (or maybe I just have a big head). Anyway, the 3D effects are put to mostly typical use in G-Force, with many shots of things rushing toward the camera or the camera rushing toward things, and occasionally dazzling, as in an early sequence where a three-dimensional computer graphic is displayed as if floating in space. In fact, some moments in the film had me questioning whether they’d be nearly as fun to watch in the conventional 2D format, and I would subtract one star from my rating for the non-3D version.

Jerry Bruckheimer produced this film with Disney, and he obviously brings his style to the production, including a car chase, big action set pieces, and popular cast members — all important because unlike the big hits from Pixar, G-Force uses a live-action world with CGI animation added. That mixture works well enough most of the time, especially when we see real-world objects from the low angles of the guinea pigs (the ones on the screen, not us in the audience). I wish that as a Bruckheimer production it had brought even more spectacle to the climax, widening the scope of the action and destruction (it’s supposed to be worldwide) a bit more rather than limiting it to only a couple of locations.

Disney’s contributions to the production are also obvious and typical, beginning with animal characters way more interesting than any humans on screen. The titular G-Force is a team of three guinea pigs, a mole, and a fly, all trained to communicate and work as spies for the government by a scruffy but earnest scientist (Zach Galifianakis) and his blond, bland assistant (Kelli Garner). It’s best not to think about that premise too much. They’ve gone on an unauthorized mission and discovered an imminent worldwide threat from a ruthless industrialist (Bill Nighy), but that doesn’t matter to the hardheaded federal agent (Will Arnett) who wants the G-Force shut down. Every one of these actors is wasted in this film; their characters have no depth at all, they are ciphers. I had high hopes for Arnett since he was screamingly funny on Arrested Development, but here he’s just a shouting head in a suit. And if Galifianakis is supposed to be funny, I saw no signs of it in this film. But of course, as a Disney film, the live actors are nowhere near as important as the real stars: the animated animals and their voices.

The three guinea pig leads are voiced by Sam Rockwell, Penelope Cruz, and Tracy Morgan, with the last two promoting racial harmony by their vocal ethnicities and a strongly suggested love triangle. Rockwell, as he did in the recent film Moon, once again brings emotional depth to his role, this time just by his voice; it’s a very good vocal performance, he sets the perfect tone as the leading role and most fully realized character, and he’s one of the best things about the movie. Jon Favreau hams it up as he usually does (and throwing in a Swingers reference for good measure), voicing a pet-shop rodent who falls in, literally, with the G-Force. Nicolas Cage goes even more overboard vocally, almost unrecognizable as the nasal voice of the blind mole and cyber-expert Speckles. And Steve Buscemi is hilarious as a hamster with identity and territorial issues. I wanted to see more of him, as well as Mooch, the nonspeaking surveillance housefly who was really fun to watch and fly around in 3D with. Well, perhaps in the inevitable sequel.

It’s hard to pick on G-Force too much, as it fits snugly into the classic Disney patterns (like Tron, for example). The live-action characters are zeroes. The dialogue is trite and unmemorable apart from the occasional current pop culture reference. The ending is weak and illogical. But there’s cute things to watch and occasionally cool stuff to see, especially in three dimensions. Kids will eat it up like fast food, and we know how filling, but not necessarily nutritious, that can be.