Clash of the Titans (2010)

I viewed the original Clash of the Titans upon its release in 1981, and I still remember being awestruck by both the ancient myths woven throughout the script and the stop motion animation work of the legendary Ray Harryhausen. But I was a child in those days, so impressing my young mind was no epic feat. Fast forward to 2010, where my older, less forgiving self has just completed viewing the big-budget remake starring golden boy Sam Worthington in the role originated by Harry Hamlin.

Could this latest tale of the heroic Perseus improve upon the original, or would the modern-day obsession with CGI effects and shaky camerawork doom it to a special section of Tartarus reserved for mediocre cinema? I can sum up my experience in just one sentence:

They don’t make ‘em like they used to.

Clash of the Titans begins with the infant Perseus adrift in the sea with his dead mother. The pair are rescued by a kindly fisherman, Spyros (Pete Postlethwaite), who promptly adopts the child as his own. Years later, Perseus (Sam Worthington) has grown into a strapping young fisherman, but his life takes a mythically tragic turn for the worse when the kingdom of Argos declares war on the gods. Caught in the middle of a clash between soldiers and the Greek god Hades (Ralph Fiennes), the entire Spyros clan (including our hero’s adoptive mother and sister) is sent to their death beneath the waves.

Vowing revenge on the ruler of the underworld, Perseus journeys to Argos and witnesses his immortal enemy pass judgment on the kingdom’s royal family. If the compassionate Princess Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) isn’t sacrificed within ten days, Hades will unleash a terrifying creature known as the Kraken to destroy the city. This act of villainy, along with an eye-opening visit from the demi-god Io (the stunning Gemma Arterton), convinces Perseus that he must undertake an impossible quest for the good of mankind.

Those interested in actual mythology will be disappointed, as Clash of the Titans bends and twists the ancient tales at will to serve its needs. In the original film, the Kraken, for example, was nothing more than an engine of retribution for the gods. This time around, it’s the massive beast that allowed Zeus and his kin to overthrow the Titans, the original rulers of the Earth. And Io, who was transformed into a white heifer in Greek myth, is instead “cursed” with immortality after refusing the advances of a god. Then again, anyone who thinks that Hollywood is courting the mythological aficionado dollar is way off base.

The PG-13 rating speaks volumes about Clash of the Titans. While it includes enough action to pacify adults, the film is aimed at luring in wide-eyed youths and subsequently selling them a few toys the next time they enter the local Wal-Mart. For this very reason, the movie throws away any pretense of aspiring to quality and instead showers viewers with one CGI moment after another.

And despite all the innovations in the field, the computerized artistry still fails to match up to the magic created by Ray Harryhausen and company. The temple scene with the snake-haired Medusa is especially telling. In the original film, this scene was filled with tension as the half-woman/half-snake slowly whittled down Perseus’ group with her petrifying stare and quiver of poisoned arrows. The same thing happens this time, but it feels far more like we’re watching a cut-scene from the latest Xbox 360 game. Director Louis Leterrier is also to blame, as he refuses to let any scene build for longer than a few seconds. Pass the Ritalin, please.

The action scenes–while filled with giant scorpions and other nasties just begging to be sliced open–feature the same shaky camerawork and rapid-fire editing that’s become the unfortunate norm in big-budget Hollywood productions. Sure, your brain is able to register what’s going on, but that doesn’t mean you’ll have time to process the information and enjoy it, especially when another CGI moment is just around the corner. Returning readers will note my continual complaints on the subject, and I have no plans to fall silent on what’s become the most annoying trend in filmmaking.

Sam Worthington is a handsome fellow, but his ability to emote is still lacking. In order to demonstrate his grief at losing his family, his acting strategy involves hanging his head like a 5-year-old who’s just been scolded by his mother. And while Ralph Fiennes (Hades) comes close to being entertaining by gnashing at the scenery, Liam Neeson delivers a thoroughly unspiring portrayal of Zeus. Gemma Arterton (Io) and Mads Mikkelsen (Draco) are the best of the bunch, the latter playing the hardass leader of the Argos warriors who accompany Perseus on his adventure.

For all its CGI grandeur, Clash of the Titans is nothing more than a series of jerky battles linked together by tired speeches about standing up to tyranny. If you’re in the mood for true adventures in the ancient world, try picking up a copy of Bulfinch’s Mythology instead. And for those too lazy to read, there’s always the 1981 version and a chance to see Laurence Olivier in a toga.

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