If you’re looking for some Joe Bob Briggs movie reviews, then you’re undoubtedly a fan of B-movies and drive-in cinema. That’s because the native Texan with the bolo tie and cowboy boots revels in reviewing some of the most atrocious trash to ever come down the cinematic pipeline. But no matter how bad the movies may be, Joe Bob still has a way of making them sound appealing (especially when he gives bonus points for naked breasts and a high body count).

Born in Dallas and raised in Little Rock, Arkansas, Joe Bob (born John Irving Bloom) attended college on a sportswriting scholarship and soon landed gigs at both the Dallas Times Herald and Texas Monthly. It was during this time that he created his outrageous alter-ego and started thrilling fans with tales of drive-in movies and assorted kinds of “fu.” Unfortunately, Joe Bob lost his job with the Dallas Times Herald in 1985 after poking fun of the American Negro College Fund and starving kiddies on the African continent. These days, Joe Bob is still going strong; the Times Herald is out of business? Coincidence? I think not.

He bounced back in 1986 by taking over as host of Drive-In Theater on The Movie Channel. It ran for just under ten years, and it was the network’s highest-rated show for much of that time. When The Movie Channel underwent a format change and dumped him, Joe Bob quickly popped up on TNT four months later. For the next four years, he would serve as the host of their movie presentation known as Monstervision. During this time, he was also active as a writer, sharing his cornfed wit and wisdom with anyone who had learned to read.

If you’re into Joe Bob Briggs movie reviews, you can catch collections of his work in the following books:

• Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-in (1986)
• A Guide to Western Civilization, or: My Story (1988)
• Joe Bob Goes Back to the Drive-in (1990)
• The Cosmic Wisdom of Joe Bob Briggs (1990)
• Iron Joe Bob (1992)
• Profoundly Disturbing: Shocking Movies that Changed History! (2003)
• Profoundly Erotic: Sexy Movies that Changed History (2005)

And in addition to providing commentary tracks for DVD releases such as I Spit On Your Grave, Samurai Cop, and The Double-D Avenger, Joe Bob has also demonstrated his acting talents in the following films:

• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (scene deleted)
• Great Balls of Fire!
• Casino
• Face/Off
• The Storytellers
• All That You Love Will Be Carried Away
• Evil Ever After
• Ghosts of Goldfield
• Hogzilla
• Rapturious
• Wretched

But you’re here for some Joe Bob Briggs movie reviews, right? Well, your prayers have been answered.

• I Spit on Your Grave (1978) – Joe Bob heaps a ton of praise on the controversial revenge flick from the 1970s. He also addresses some comments from Roger Ebert about the movie, leading one to wonder what ‘ol Rog does down in his basement in the middle of the night.
• Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer(1986) – A disturbing film based on the life of mass murderer Henry Lee Lucas. Joe Bob loves it, of course, noting that Henry is far scarier than any other movie psycho he’s ever seen. He also praises the “camcorder fu” and the “Coke bottle fu.”
• Hitman(1991) – Chuck Norris as a cop who comes back from the dead to pose as a hitman and clean up the vile criminal underworld of…Seattle. According to Joe Bob, “Chuck is rooting around with a sawed-off shotgun, turning all the drug lords against one another, aardvarking with the Mafia boss’s girlfriend, spitting in an Arab punk’s food, and, of course, befriending a small black child.” By the way, “aardvarking” is JB’s term for having sex.
• Frozen (2010) – Joe Bob takes a look at a film about three idiotic ski fans who get themselves stranded on a lift while a winter storm rolls in and hungry wolves prowl below.
• Hard Target(1993) – The beginning of the review starts with a lengthy (and damn funny) sermon from Joe Bob on the so-called decline of religion in America. He then somehow seamlessly transitions into discussing a Jean-Claude Van Damme film. Now that’s what I call fine writing.
• Piranha 3D (2010) – High praise is in store for Piranha 3D, an over-the-top flick about ravenous fish chowing down on Spring Break knuckleheads. Joe Bob loves it, of course, praising Christopher Lloyd for “chewing the scenery as much as the piranha.”
• Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend (1992) – Our drive-in buddy starts by giving us ten tips to consider when getting a hooker. He then reviews a film about a fat security guard who goes on a hooker spree. It’s a match made in heaven.
• The Crazies(2010) – They remade a George Romero classic, so naturally Joe Bob has to review it. He opens with “You know what I hate? You’re out at the high school ball field, wondering what near-cheese product they squirt on the nachos, watching the jocks play the first game of the season, and up walks some berserkoid with a gun. Ruins the whole game for everyone, not to mention the nachos.” It only gets better from there.
• Class of 1999 (1990) – Joe Bob sings the praises of the dreaded “testicular self-examination,” and then veers into a review of the sequel to Class of 1984. The man’s got a way with the segue, you have to give him that.
• Collision Course(1989) – Jay Leno stars as a smartass Detroit cop who teams up with a Tokyo cop played by Pat Morita (that’s Mr. Miyagi to you). Joe Bob especially liked the last 30 minutes of the film, where high speed chases rule, and a goon named Scully gets a chance to strut his stuff.

Just click on the links above to enjoy all these Joe Bob Briggs movie reviews. Or, if you’d like to read even more (or possibly buy some stuff), head to his official site for a deluxe helping of B-movie goodness. Drive-ins may be a thing of the past, but their spirit is still alive and well.