Weird Movie Reviews
February 4th, 2010It occurred to us that those of you with a taste for the strange and macabre might be interested in some weird movie reviews. These are reviews of those films that screw with your head and leave you wondering WTF for the next few hours…but in a good way.
Some filmmakers only dabble in this market. Case in point: Peter Jackson directed a puppet porn/crime thriller called Meet the Feebles before moving on to more mainstream fare like The Lord of the Rings, King Kong, and The Lovely Bones. On the other hand, some moviemakers are so good at weird movies that they hardly make any other kind. Here’s a look at some of those filmmakers and their unusual movies:
Blue Velvet: An unflinching look at the darker side of human nature, David Lynch’s 1986 cult classic revolves around a college kid (Kyle MacLachlan) who returns home to his ailing father’s bedside. When he discovers a severed human ear in the fields near his house, he gets caught up in the world of masochistic chanteuse Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini). Blue Velvet’s images are as surreal as you would expect from David Lynch, but his early work at least has an understandable narrative thread. To be totally confounded, check out some of his later work in Lost Highway and Mulholland Drive.
Donnie Darko: Almost everything about this movie is bizarre – from the slow pacing to the quirky soundtrack to the all-eyes face of its hero, Donnie (a then-undiscovered Jake Gyllenhaal). Not to mention the terrifying six-foot bunny named Frank that sends him on a local crime spree after he sleepwalks out his house, narrowly escaping death. Writer-director Richard Kelly’s most recent film The Box, was also pretty peculiar, although not nearly as good.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: This unusual love story is practically Disney by screenwriter Charlie Kaufman standards. It tells the story of Joel (Jim Carrey) and Clementine (Kate Winslet), a couple whose romance sours. When it does, they decide to undergo a procedure to erase one another from their memories but the traces left behind cause some confusing complications. For more Kaufman mind trips, try Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, and Synecdoche, New York.
Cry-Baby: Don’t let the recent feel-good remake of Hairspray fool you. John Waters is a weird guy who makes some weird movies. In this film, Johnny Depp stars as the title character, a 1950s greaser-type who is only capable of crying a single tear. Surrounded by misfits and outcasts (he has a friend named Hatchet Face, enough said.), Cry-Baby is the normal one in the movie. Waters’ campy sense of humor makes this film prime fodder for our weird movie reviews roundup. For more from this kooky writer-director, check out the original Hairspray, Pecker, and Cecil B. Demented.
A Clockwork Orange: I’d love to offer an insightful review of this stellar example of Stanley Kubrick’s filmmaking, but the experience of watching this movie was so intense that I ended up on the bathroom floor puking my guts out for much of it. But then, Kubrick’s entire body of work is strange and intense. For further proof, you need look no further than Eyes Wide Shut, Full Metal Jacket, Dr. Strangelove, and The Shining.
Edward Scissorhands: A mad scientist animates a boy to be his son and companion. When he dies before having the chance to equip him with human hands, Edward (Johnny Depp, really adept at these weird movie roles) must go out into the real world with giant hedge clippers for digits. Once there, he finds love, bigotry and a career in the salon business. This movie is an ideal showcase for Tim Burton’s knack for the simultaneously dark and comic, and for arresting imagery. Not weird enough for you? Try Ed Wood, Sweeney Todd, or Big Fish.
If you still can’t get enough weird movie reviews, check out these other sites for their takes.
And don’t forget that all the films listed above can be purchased through Amazon. They offer low prices, fast shipping, and a small commission to us for sending you there.
Also recommended:
Good Movie Reviews
January 29th, 2010If you’re in the market for good movie reviews – that is, well-written reviews of movies worth seeing, then you’re in the right place. It’s harder to praise a film than to pan it, as there are only so many words for great. But these five recent reviews showcase the adjective-finding, metaphor-making, analysis-writing chops of some talented reviewers and some enjoyable films.
- The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus : Written by Ty Burr for the Boston Globe, this review of the late Heath Ledger’s swansong film is respectful without fawning. Burr, who once upon a time dipped his quill for Entertainment Weekly, clearly understands the movies and loves writing about them. Plus, he knows how to craft a metaphor. He sums up the performances in this film saying, “Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell […]bring a respectful enthusiasm to the game. They could have been this film’s pallbearers; instead, they turn their sections of Imaginarium into a fine Irish wake.”
- Anvil! The Story of Anvil : It’s hard to pick just one of Owen Glieberman’s reviews to spotlight. He churns out good movie reviews week after week as one half of Entertainment Weekly’s dynamic duo of film criticism. But his review of this rock documentary of the heavy metal band that never made it (but should have) is as funny and irreverent as the film and the band themselves. At one point, Glieberman describe the band’s aging leading singer as “a frizzy-haired goofball cherub with eyes that still shine like a child’s — he’s like Howard Stern as drawn by R. Crumb.” Nice one, Owen.
- Avatar : Let’s be clear about something: I wholeheartedly disagree with my colleague’s glowing review of James Cameron’s latest masturbatory filmmaking exercise. Still, I recognize that not only am I in the minority on that opinion, Gregor Turley’s analysis of the film’s technical merits and familiarity with the special effects magic-makers is enlightening. Not to mention the fact that the man can write. Take a look at his nugget: “It may have been 12 long years, but now we know James Cameron didn’t go down with the Titanic…he’s been looking up at the stars.” Now, that’s a parting shot if I’ve ever read one.
- The White Ribbon : This German-language film but it must be doing something right. Not only did it best critical darling Pedro Almodovar’s Broken Embraces for a foreign film Golden Globe this month, it also earned this doting review from Village Voice critic J. Hoberman. This review is certainly not for the faint of heart…or of dictionary. Hoberman’s analysis is top-notch but his writing is style more cerebral and more jam-packed with SAT adjectives than other good movie reviews on this list. But if you’ve got a Webster’s handy, you should definitely give it a read.
- Crazy Heart : Yes, this is another of ours. But this review of the film that’s “as familiar as country song” starring the gifted Jeff Bridges playing a man with an “easygoing smile and an aww shucks ma’am country charisma” is one of my favorite I’ve written to date.
Also recommended:
Planet of the Apes – Movie Quote of the Day
January 28th, 2010“Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”
–George Taylor (Charlton Heston) from Planet of the Apes (1968)
Recent Movie Reviews
January 28th, 2010Are you on a quest for recent movie reviews? If so, you’ve come to the right place. In this post, I’ve included a number of the latest movie reviews to keep you informed of what’s hot and what’s not. And keep in mind that you can buy movies like Avatar on Amazon for much less than most chains (plus we get a cut of the action). Boy, could your day get any better?
- Edge of Darkness Movie Review by Bill Goodykoontz – The critic for The Arizona Republic gives props to Mel Gibson for his return to the screen after several years of keeping his head down.
- Daybreakers Movie Review by Peter Travers – A number of critics looked down their nose at this vampire flick starring Ethan Hawke, but Peter Travers of Rolling Stone wasn’t one of them. He calls it a “nifty genre piece” with lots more balls than any entry in the Twilight franchise.
- The White Ribbon Movie Review by J. Hoberman – A mysterious film about a German village on the eve of World War I, The White Ribbon drew praise from Village Voice film critic J. Hoberman. When discussing director Michael Haneke, he says “it’s his best ever.”
- Bitch Slap Movie Review by Joe Leydon – Meant as a throwback to the days of sweaty exploitation films, Bitch Slap features plenty of hot women and explosions. Too bad it isn’t any good, at least according to Variety critic Joe Leydon. In the very first sentence, he calls is “overblown and underwhelming.”
- The Book of Eli Movie Review by Colin Covert- The film critic for the Minneapolis Star Tribune tears apart the latest film from Denzel Washington. Comparing it to Waterworld and Battlefield Earth, Covert admits to putting his head in his hands and groaning during the film’s twist ending.
- The Spy Next Door Movie Review by Ty Burr – This Boston Globe critic chides the Jackie Chan film for being “so formulaic your 6-year-old will be ticking off the plot points as they lope by.” Ouch.
- Avatar Movie Review by Rob Gonsalves – The writer for eFilmCritic heaps all kind of praise on James Cameron’s epic tale. He goes so far as to call it “very old wine in a dazzling new bottle” and “a first-class piece of big mainstream filmmaking.”
- The Tooth Fairy Movie Review by Missy Schwartz – Dwayne Johnson stars in yet another movie aimed at kids. Missy Schwartz of Entertainment Weekly calls it a “clumsy fable” and says that the star “labors for laughs.” Sounds like Missy may not get any change the next time she puts a tooth under her pillow.
- Extraordinary Measures Movie Review by Gregor Turley – This cinematic team-up between Brendan Fraser and Harrison Ford gets taken to task by A1 Movie Reviews critic Gregor Turley. Comparing it more to an average made-for-TV movie, he comments that “the story has no real dramatic punch.”
- Legion Movie Review by Mike Hale – The film critic for the New York Times doesn’t care much for this apocalyptic action flick. He complains, “There are no orgies of planetary destruction; the action almost never leaves the diner, which may be just as well, since a short scene in heaven looks as if it were filmed on the set of a community college Shakespeare production.” Click on the link to read the rest of his scathing movie review.
These are the most recent movie reviews, but other films may be flooding into multiplexes by the time you read this. For the latest on new movies like The Wolfman and Shutter Island, be sure to check back often.
Also recommended:
Apollo 13 – Movie Quote of the Day
January 27th, 2010“Houston, we have a problem.”
–Jim Lovell (Tom Hanks) from Apollo 13 (1995)
Roeper Movie Reviews
January 27th, 2010If you’re looking for Roeper movie reviews, then you must be a fan of Richard Roeper, the columnist/critic for The Chicago Sun-Times and co-host of At the Movies (aka Ebert & Roeper at the Movies and Ebert & Roeper) from 2000 until 2008. He’s also the author of the following books about cinema:
- He Rents, She Rents: The Ultimate Guide to the Best Women’s Films and Guy Movies, with Laurie Viera (1999)
- Hollywood Urban Legends: The Truth Behind All Those Delightfully Persistent Myths of Films, Television, and Music (2001)
- Ten Sure Signs a Movie Character is Doomed, and Other Surprising Movie Lists (2003)
- Schlock Value: Hollywood At Its Worst (2005)
(All these books can be found on Amazon, and buying one will help us pay for the costs of maintaining this site. I could also use a new pair of shoes. )
In February of 2009, fans of Roeper movie reviews were thrilled to hear that he was launching his own website at RichardRoeper.com. In addition to waxing philosophic about sports and politics, Roeper also posts movies reviews in text and video form. The video reviews are done with the cooperation of the Starz cable channel. And like everyone else in the nation, Roeper also shares his thoughts on Twitter.
While he continues to maintain his site, he has also signed a six-figure deal with ReelzChannel within the last few months. From the looks of it, Richard Roeper movie reviews will soon be everywhere.
In case you’re wondering what all the fuss is about, here’s a selection of Roeper film reviews and movie articles currently available. Take a look and marvel at the critical skills that could very well make him the heir to Roger Ebert’s empire. To read the full review, just click on the lick I’ve so graciously provided.
- Best Films of the Decade – Richard Roeper takes a look back at the 2000s and selects his 100 favorite films of the decade. I don’t want to spoil the list, but here are a few of the selections: Monster (#80), Minority Report (#11), Brothers (#18) and The Wrestler (#40). I couldn’t disagree more with his #1 selection.
- Worst Films of the Decade – The yen to the last entry’s yang, this list looks at the worst films of the 2000s. Some of the dubious winners include: Daddy Day Camp (#95), Saving Silverman (#79), The Ugly Truth (#44) and The Love Guru (#8). Linday Lohan makes the top five, as does John Travolta and his monstrous dreadlocks.
- Avatar Movie Review – Roeper joins the legion of film critics who’ve been singing the praises of James Cameron’s latest project. It doesn’t get a perfect A+ grade, but it’s not too far off. This one is a video review, so you can recline and rest your poor eyes for a moment.
- Watchmen Movie Review - Roeper isn’t too impressed with Zack Snyder’s grim superhero epic, calling it “occasionally brilliant, often dull.”
- Observe and Report Movie Review – Roeper mentions that Observe and Report looks like something that might’ve resulted from Quentin Tarantino being handed the script for Paul Blart: Mall Cop. He sums up his thoughts by typing “WTF.”
There are tons more reviews available on the Richard Roeper website, from smash hits like Avatar to Moon, the brilliant science-fiction film starring Sam Rockwell.
Also recommended:
10 Funny Movie Reviews
January 27th, 2010These 10 funny movie reviews should provide a nice change of pace from the usual super-serious reviews written by all the respectable critics. The following reviews are filled with cynicism, sexual innuendo and downright goofiness. Read on and prepare to be amused.
Avatar from Cracked – Bobby “Fatboy” Roberts writes this review of Avatar. While it ends up being a positive review due to the intense action scenes of the climax, the bulk of the reviews if a scathing (and hilarious) look at the rest of the film. From Dances With Wolves comparisons to complaints about clumsy romantic subplots, there’s plenty of comedic goodness to be had in this funny movie review.
Seven Pounds from FilmBender – The guys at FilmBender pull no punches, claiming that seven pounds isn’t nearly as many times as they’d like to pound star Rosario Dawson. It’s hardly an in-depth analysis, but it did give me a chuckle. Hopefully, it’ll do the same for you. Plus, it features a great picture of the lovely Ms. Dawson.
District 9 from Mr. Cranky – Mr. Cranky hates every movie; it’s just a matter of how much he hates them. He really despises District 9, complaining in humorous detail about the level of violence and underdeveloped aliens.
Speed 2: Cruise Control from Roger Ebert – This one isn’t meant to be funny, but it still is. That’s because venerable film critic Roger Ebert actually gave three stars out of four to the disaster known as Speed 2: Cruise Control. While I’m certain Jason Patric was thrilled by the positive review, anyone else will be left scratching their head in confusion…and amusement. I guess nobody’s perfect.
I Am Sam from Mr. Cranky – Another gem from Mr. Cranky, this time aimed at a film where Sean Penn plays a mentally disabled man. Cranky calls it a “shameless piece of universal cosmic dung,” but he’s just getting started. Check out this classic bit of criticism: “Sam has a group of funny developmentally challenged friends, several of whom are not played by actual developmentally challenged people. At my screening, their antics tended to make middle-aged women with below-average IQs giggle a lot.”
Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead from FilmBender – Besides talking about the sheer hotness of Marisa Tomei, the guys at FilmBender also manage to talk a little bit about the actual movie. But mostly they discuss how good Tomei looks in and out of bed.
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li from Mr. Cranky – One of my favorite sites when it comes to funny movie reviews, Cranky sums this film up perfectly with the following line, “Street Fighter used to be about the fighting. Apparently, now it’s about giving B grade TV stars their very own leading roles.”
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li from Ain’t It Cool News – One of Harry Knowles’ cronies also gets in on the Street Fighter bashing, calling this Kristin Kreuk vehicle “really, really, really bad shit.” This one is pretty lengthy compared to other funny movie reviews, so expect to get plenty of comedic bang for your buck.
Rest Stop from Film Cynic - When it comes to horror films, Rest Stop is about as bad as it gets. So bad it’s laughable, the film eventually wears you down like a screening of Mystery Science Theater. Film Cynic explores the awfulness in great detail, taking about everything from so-called acting to the atrocious script. The film is unintentionally funny, while the review certainly means to be.
Miss March from Mr. Cranky – One final gem from Mr. Cranky, this review rips apart Miss March, a film that had critics everywhere frothing at the mouth in disgust. It receives the dreaded mushroom cloud rating, which, according to the site, is “proof that Jesus died in vain.” Cranky says the film “has no balls” and is a “1.5 hour infomercial on Playboy.” Click on the link to read more.
If you’d like to buy any of the movies above, click on the Amazon links we’ve provided. We’ll get a small commission fee for sending you there, and everyone walks away from the experience happy.
Also recommended:
Sudden Impact – Movie Quote of the Day
January 26th, 2010“Go ahead, make my day.”
—Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) from Sudden Impact (1983)
Great Movie Review Sites
January 26th, 2010If you’re in the mood for some great movie review sites, you’ve come to the right place. I’ve scoured the Internet, sacrificing precious hours that could’ve been dedicated to finding a cure for cancer. Instead, I put together this list of film sites, each one dedicated to providing unique insight into the motion pictures currently playing at your local theatre or available on DVD.
- Nurse Bob’s Film Reviews – This Vancouver resident and former healthcare worker delivers to-the-point reviews on over 200 films per year. The “Recent Reviews” section details the last 20 films he’s seen, and all the others are organized into an easy-to-use archive. The Vancouver International Film Festival is profiled each year, and more mature films like SS Hell Camp and Emanuelle in Bangkok are given their own section. As of this writing, recent reviews included Up, Duck, and The Curse of the Werewolf.
- 1 Minute Film Review – Rated on a scale from zero to five stars, these movie reviews will take less than a minute to read through. Perfect for film fans on the go, this site offers critiques of such diverse films as The White Ribbon, Overheard, and Law Abiding Citizen. There are no spoilers, either, so you can read without worrying about the ending being ruined for you.
- Dollar Bin Horror – Rhonny Reaper provides horror movie reviews for fans on a budget. Horror flicks available for only a dollar are reviewed, and the “Five Dolla Holla” looks at those that cost a bit more. The “Kisses and Disses” section offers both praise and criticism for those in the horror field, and Rhonny also serves up some horror lists for people who are into such things. If you’re searching for cheap horror thrills, you could do a whole lot worse.
- I Think, Therefore I Review – Kristin Battestella offers commentary on movies, television, books and music. Anyone looking for diverse criticism on a number of topics should find this blog an absolute delight. Recent reviews include G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and Patriot Games.
- The Good Movie Reviewer – Movies are rated from one to five stars, and horror and ultra-violent films are not included. However, if you’re looking for blockbusters, kids movies, independent films, or one of many other genres, The Good Movie Reviewer will have just what you’re looking for. For social networking freaks, you can also follow them on Twitter.
- What I Watched Last Night – Ross Williams usually watches one film per day (at least), and he decided to start writing down his thoughts about each and every one. This inevitably led to the creation of his blog, and you owe it to yourself to check it out. Fans of obscure cinema will be especially delighted, as Ross profiles such long-forgotten films as Breeders and Heavy Metal Parking Lot. There’s plenty of new stuff, as well, such as The Girlfriend Experience and Public Enemies. Those looking for brevity can follow Ross on Twitter.
- Monsters and Critics – This site offers a little bit of everything. The latest movie reviews are included, plus movie posters, movie trailers, competitions, archives and the current box office results in the United States and the United Kingdom.
- Rolling Stone – Peter Travers is one of the most respected names in the movie critic biz, and any list of great movie review sites should include his section on the Rolling Stone website.
- That Guy with the Glasses – Home of “5 Second Movies” and “Nostalgia Critic,” this site offers a wide array of podcasts, movie reviews, video game reviews, forums, blogs and articles. Dial-up users won’t be able to enjoy all the features, but everyone else will be in hog heaven.
- Best Movie Websites – While they don’t review movies, they do review the official websites for films. I had to include this because it’s so darned unique. Give it a look and let us know what you think. And in case you’re wondering, the best website honors for 2009 went to Terminator Salvation (too bad the movie wasn’t as good as the website).
Almost all of the films reviewed on these sites can be purchased through Amazon. I’d highly recommend it, as Amazon offers great prices and fast, reliable shipping. Even better, we get a small commission if you go there from our site. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
Also recommended:
Midnight Cowboy – Movie Quote of the Day
January 25th, 2010“I’m walking here! I’m walking here!”
–”Ratso” Rizzo (Dustin Hoffman) from Midnight Cowboy (1969)