For the last several weeks, I’ve listened to late-night talk show hosts herald The Back-Up Plan as Jennifer Lopez’s glorious return to the big screen. After seeing said film, I’m left wondering why she bothered.
She plays Zoe, a single New York City pet shop owner. She’s got a nice apartment, a fabulous wardrobe, and good friends. Everything, it seems, except a man and a baby. Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, she opts to forego the former and head to a sperm bank to conceive the latter. On her way back from being inseminated, Stan, the man of her dreams (Alex O’Laughlin) hops into her cab, effectively screwing up her best-laid plans. Ain’t it always the way?
Somewhere around date 2.5, while visiting Stan’s upstate goat farm where he makes cheese, Zoe confesses that she is in the family way. She’s prepared for Stan to bolt to the nearest exit sign. It’s what her own father did when she was very young. But for some reason, Stan isn’t fooled by the fetus that she’s got. He sticks it out–with a tantrum here and there–for the long, ostensibly humorous, nine-month haul.
I would like to take a moment to let screenwriter Kate Angelo know that I, too, saw both Knocked Up and Nine Months. I didn’t need for those two to be put into a blender of “modern” scenarios, shaken up, and played again. As a sitcom writer with only a handful of episodes of Becker, Will & Grace, and The Bernie Mac Show to her credit, Angelo hardly has the credentials to fill Chris Columbus’ or Judd Apatow’s ink cartridge.
That’s especially true since The Back-Up Plan seemed to leave one key ingredient out of the new recipe: humor. Sure, the whole preggo comedy of errors is inoffensive enough…except for one scene involving a woman in labor losing control of her bowels in a baby pool. And I smiled a few times. But laugh? Not once. (Sidebar: May I request a moratorium on poop jokes in romantic comedies? Please?)
I smiled when best friend Mona (Michaela Watkins), a mother of four, invites Zoe to take a look at the havoc the little tykes have wreaked on her assorted lady bits. I smiled when random Playground Dad (that’s actually the character’s name), played by Anthony Edwards explains that childrearing is six parts awful to one part magical. I also smiled when pet store employee, Clive (Eric Christian Olsen, wasted here but hilarious in Fired Up) gets mock jealous of Zoe’s redheaded man seed. But nothing in this film’s dialog or its contrived scenarios was sharp, sophisticated, or funny enough to earn the full chuckle.
Alan Poul’s direction falls into the same category of inoffensive but unimpressive. At least the TV sitcom veteran, making his big-screen directorial debut, is smart enough to give the people what they came for. Loving close-ups of Jenny’s lovely heart-shaped face and plump posterior and O’Laughlin’s brown eyes.
But Poul’s choice of O’Laughlin to play opposite Ms. Lopez smacks of mediocrity. He’s handsome in a soft, made-for-TV movie kind of way, but ultimately recedes into the background of J.Lo’s glow. To his credit, Stan does manage to look truly smitten by Zoe, legitimately freaked out at the prospect of raising twins (did I mention it was twins?), and not totally ridiculous while riding shirtless on a tractor.
He’s handicapped, though, in the way that all leading men are when working with J.Lo. As usual, she likes no one else in the film half as much she likes herself. A diva this size doesn’t need an Alex O’Laughlin (or a Michael Vartan or even a Matthew McConnaughey). She needs a George Clooney, a leading man that occupies as much space on the screen and marquis as she does.
Sadly, that wasn’t in the plan for The Back-Up Plan. And Lopez’s most impressive co-star is her own backside. So much so, it gets one whole scene dedicated to it. And like everything else in this film, it’s cute but not all that memorable (the scene, not the rump).
Your back-up plan should be to wait for the DVD.
(Visit Amazon to purchase more Jennifer Lopez movies. We get a small commission for sending you there, and all profits go towards bringing you more quality movie reviews.)
Related posts:
This is a great movie to see with friends, family or a date. It does not disappoint. The funny parts are well acted as are the few moments of serious dialog. I often walk out of a theater feeling like that was an hour and a half of my life I will never get back. Too many crappy endings and just drawn out movies. It’s a let down to see serious faces as after a comedy is over. This is a fantastic upbeat, funny movie that will have you smiling as you walk out of the theater. Be sure to hang around a minute after it’s over so you can see the hilarious out-takes. Jennifer Lopez is picky when it comes to the projects she chooses. I know if she is in it than it’s going to be good. It is a pleasure to see Alex O’Loughlin in the role of the charming and attractive all around “good guy”. I get bored seeing the same actors all the time. Alex has really grown as an actor and has great chemistry with Jennifer. Don’t miss out on seeing this film. It’s a feel good comedy that lets you know the good guy is really still out there. Two of the new girl on SNL are in the movie and really carry their own. I was impressed. I learned one thing for certain, that nothing is for certain. Live life moment to moment and enjoy it. It’s nice to see a film that has a quality about it where you can take some of the content and apply it to your own life and the decisions you make. It’s not the same old comedy that Hollywood spits out every year. It’s worth seeing.
Terrible movie. Totally lacking any morals..It should have been rated XX or at least R. No wonder the young children have no respect for anything. Hollywood needs to get a grip and change the ratings.
I have not seen the movie. Your review has re-enforced my non-desire to see it, however I just needed to point out that even the movie promo materials. (see poster above) are flawed.
a) JLo’s hair is looking super stringy and fake.
b) There is no way in hell that that hand covering O’Laughlin’s face is hers unless she’s the elastic woman.
c) this is mediocre photoshop, (check out her hair against his skin)
Keep the reviews coming, they are totally spot on.